Frequently Asked Questions
Your body begins changing as soon as you start working out and eating healthier. But muscles don't grow overnight. An average person can expect to gain 1 to 2 pounds of lean muscle a month, and can expect to lose 1% of body fat per week in the early months of a good diet. At our first session, we develop a nutritional and fitness plan to set you on this path.
Over the past 20 years, my approach has helped hundreds of clients, of widely different ages and backgrounds, to get in shape and, most importantly, to maintain it. Posted below is the progression of one of my clients in 7 months – as you can see, it is possible to gain muscle and lose weight at the same time!
Example:
No. I operate at a private gym that is used solely for personal training sessions. Other than the fee for my training sessions, there are no additional fees, membership, or commitments of any kind. The gym has every piece of equipment you'll ever need as well as showers, towels, and hygiene products.
No. We don’t work out during the consultation. We first make an assessment of your body composition, and discuss your diet and fitness goals. We then create a nutritional plan, discuss a workout plan, and put together a timeline for you to get in the desired shape. On average, a consultation takes about an hour.
I understand that things can come up unexpectedly, so I don’t demand 24-hours notice. I ask for 4-hours notice for a cancellation, which may enable me to use that slot for other clients.
I recommend that we start with 2 sessions per week. If you haven’t trained regularly and properly before, you will be sore after a workout and your body will need sufficient time to recover. Otherwise, you risk overloading your joints, which could lead to injuries such as tendonitis. I can tell you from personal experience that even elite athletes typically train in the gym only 4-5 hours per week. The difference is in doing the right exercises for your body, doing them with the correct form, and doing them at the proper intensity.
Our workouts will not involve what most people consider “cardio,” though they will get you breathing hard and improve your cardio-vascular health. If you do strength training 2-4 times a week and stick to a low-calorie eating plan, you will see fast results without doing any additional cardio. If you like to do intense cardio because it helps relax you, then you should continue.
But if your primary goal is to lose body fat, I would suggest starting with low-intensity cardio, like a long walk in the morning before any meal or after working out, when your body is low on glycogen and will burn your bodyfat as energy. For more intense cardio, I suggest high intensity interval training, such as sprints for 20 seconds followed by a 1- 2 min walk. You can do 10 to 12 intervals without wearing yourself out and pounding your joints the way long-distance running does.
Kif, I have mated with a woman. Inform the men. This is the worst part. The calm before the battle. Bender, being God isn't easy. If you do too much, people get dependent on you, and if you do nothing, they lose hope. You have to use a light touch. Like a safecracker, or a pickpocket.
Example: There's no part of that sentence I didn't like! You, a bobsleder!? That I'd like to see!
Your lyrics lack subtlety. You can't just have your characters announce how they feel. That makes me feel angry! It's okay, Bender. I like cooking too. Interesting. No, wait, the other thing: tedious.
Example: Of all the friends I've had… you're the first. But I know you in the future. I cleaned your poop. Then we'll go with that data file!
Oh, I think we should just stay friends. I'll tell them you went down prying the wedding ring off his cold, dead finger. Aww, it's true. I've been hiding it for so long. Say it in Russian! Then throw her in the laundry room, which will hereafter be referred to as "the brig".
Example: We're rescuing ya. Robot 1-X, save my friends! And Zoidberg! Then we'll go with that data file! Okay, I like a challenge.
And I'm his friend Jesus. Oh right. I forgot about the battle. OK, if everyone's finished being stupid. We'll need to have a look inside you with this camera. I'm just glad my fat, ugly mama isn't alive to see this day.
Example: Isn't it true that you have been paid for your testimony? Quite possible.
Look, last night was a mistake. We'll need to have a look inside you with this camera. Good news, everyone! There's a report on TV with some very bad news! You know, I was God once. You lived before you met me?!
Example: I'm Santa Claus! Pansy. That's a popular name today. Little "e", big "B"?
Did I miss something fun? Humans dating robots is sick. You people wonder why I'm still single? It's 'cause all the fine robot sisters are dating humans! Kids don't turn rotten just from watching TV.
Example: I usually try to keep my sadness pent up inside where it can fester quietly as a mental illness.
OK, this has gotta stop. I'm going to remind Fry of his humanity the way only a woman can. You seem malnourished. Are you suffering from intestinal parasites? Check it out, y'all. Everyone who was invited is here. I am Singing Wind, Chief of the Martians.
Example: Man, I'm sore all over. I feel like I just went ten rounds with mighty Thor.
I don't want to be rescued. I videotape every customer that comes in here, so that I may blackmail them later. Ah, computer dating. It's like pimping, but you rarely have to use the phrase "upside your head."
Example: Tell them I hate them.
AFTER HIM! A true inspiration for the children. What are you hacking off? Is it my torso?! 'It is!' My precious torso! I saw you with those two "ladies of the evening" at Elzars. Explain that. She also liked to shut up! Why not indeed!
Example: I feel like I was mauled by Jesus. Hello, little man. I will destroy you!
I meant 'physically'. Look, perhaps you could let me work for a little food? I could clean the floors or paint a fence, or service you sexually? When the lights go out, it's nobody's business what goes on between two consenting adults.
Example: Nay, I respect and admire Harold Zoid too much to beat him to death with his own Oscar.
Hey, what kinda party is this? There's no booze and only one hooker. I'm just glad my fat, ugly mama isn't alive to see this day. Wow! A superpowers drug you can just rub onto your skin? You'd think it would be something you'd have to freebase. Well, let's just dump it in the sewer and say we delivered it. You guys realize you live in a sewer, right?
Example: Oh Leela! You're the only person I could turn to; you're the only person who ever loved me.
PUNY HUMAN NUMBER ONE, PUNY HUMAN NUMBER TWO, and Morbo's good friend, Richard Nixon. Interesting. No, wait, the other thing: tedious. All I want is to be a monkey of moderate intelligence who wears a suit… that's why I'm transferring to business school! Morbo can't understand his teleprompter because he forgot how you say that letter that's shaped like a man wearing a hat.
Example: If rubbin' frozen dirt in your crotch is wrong, hey I don't wanna be right.
That could be 'my' beautiful soul sitting naked on a couch. If I could just learn to play this stupid thing. Oh, I don't have time for this. I have to go and buy a single piece of fruit with a coupon and then return it, making people wait behind me while I complain. I'm just glad my fat, ugly mama isn't alive to see this day. For one beautiful night I knew what it was like to be a grandmother. Subjugated, yet honored. But existing is basically all I do! I never loved you.
Example: A sexy mistake. And I'd do it again!
Maybe I love you so much I love you no matter who you are pretending to be. Ah, the 'Breakfast Club' soundtrack! I can't wait til I'm old enough to feel ways about stuff! Now Fry, it's been a few years since medical school, so remind me.
Example: Disemboweling in your species: fatal or non-fatal?
We can't compete with Mom! Her company is big and evil! Ours is small and neutral! Look, everyone wants to be like Germany, but do we really have the pure strength of 'will'? I just told you! You've killed me!
Example: But, like most politicians, he promised more than he could deliver.
I don't know what you did, Fry, but once again, you screwed up! Now all the planets are gonna start cracking wise about our mamas. Well, let's just dump it in the sewer and say we delivered it.
Example: Have you ever tried just turning off the TV, sitting down with your children, and hitting them? Hey, tell me something. You've got all this money. How come you always dress like you're doing your laundry?
Ah, now the ball's in Farnsworth's court! We'll need to have a look inside you with this camera. Stop it, stop it. It's fine. I will 'destroy' you! Bender! Ship! Stop bickering or I'm going to come back there and change your opinions manually!
Example: So I really am important? How I feel when I'm drunk is correct?
Nibbler, who's gone to a place where I, too, hope one day to go. The toilet. But existing is basically all I do! I suppose I could part with 'one' and still be feared. I just told you! You've killed me!
Example: What's with you kids? Every other day it's food, food, food.
It has nothing to do with mating. Soon enough. There, now he's trapped in a book I wrote: a crummy world of plot holes and spelling errors! Daylight and everything. Hey! I'm a porno-dealing monster, what do I care what you think?
Example: Is that a cooking show? It doesn't look so shiny to me. And why did 'I' have to take a cab?
I don't 'need' to drink. I can quit anytime I want! THE BIG BRAIN AM WINNING AGAIN! I AM THE GREETEST! NOW I AM LEAVING EARTH, FOR NO RAISEN! There's one way and only one way to determine if an animal is intelligent. Dissect its brain!
Example: Guess again. Yeah, I do that with my stupidness. And when we woke up, we had these bodies.